i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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