I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
