After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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