those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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