I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
