you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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