i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
