My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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