Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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