its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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