You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Apparently you make a good broom.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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