It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
