eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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