i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
