Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
