Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize