yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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