I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
