yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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