So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
