If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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