You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Don't EVER smell your tampon
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
