I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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