So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
