it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You left your phone here
Wait...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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