Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
