Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
In America we eat man semen.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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