you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize