I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just has baby written all over it
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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