a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
