You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just saw a hot homeless man
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
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