i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
