we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i came on her dog
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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