How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
