What tipped you off? The sombrero?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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