To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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