im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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