Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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