is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
