My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
