The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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