I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Your cock deserves a montage
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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