this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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