i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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