she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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