literally had 100 drinks last night.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
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tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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