The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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