mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
