Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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