I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
