Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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