I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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