you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
