If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
