Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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