oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
