Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
