fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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