im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
