I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
