someone threw a dead crab at me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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