I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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